Something must have happened I am not quite sure what. However something strange appeared in the meadow where I stood on October 29th 2009. I am not quite sure what made it occur but, the effect it had on me was enormous for sure. I was suddenly face to face with three intelligent energy forces and without anyone’s lips moving this information was passed to me.
The world is large and vast, and full of painful memories of the past. Everywhere we turn we see something to remind of us of that painful memory. It lingers like dew on the grass and fog in the distance, deceiving you into believing its gone only to reappear suddenly out of nowhere.
In this Large World there are many people, of many different types, some are smart while others beautiful, all tormented by something. Some things they are scared of are real, while others are not. Most of the things they are scared of relate to the pains of the past, most of them are aches that last and last.
Most of the people in this Large World live in houses, as they are the best way to live. People can build houses, houses are built from thought. Thought into the Large World by people, the house is a place to share a common space, to have your own space, to share your imagination and information. Here in the house almost anything is possible.
People in the houses that are built by the people in the Large World, can share things like love and thoughts, imagination and information. They can hold one another thru dark storms, and can comfort one another when the other is sad. These people can choose to join the others or hide from their mother, sisters and brothers.
In the House, in the Large World, People live together some in harmony while others do not. In some houses the parents loved one another while in others they spent no time together and always fought. In some houses children flourished while in others the children wilted like trees with no sun. In some of these houses, some of the children became so full of pain, they too became much like the home they came from. Confused, chaotic, full of pain, tormented, divided, spilt, segmented and fragmented into separate parts of a whole.
They suddenly became a container for many people of various ages, with many needs and different styles. One day instead of growing like some of children of the Large World, they spilt into two, then three and soon five by twenty-three. With each new need the brain begins to create a new weed, to keep the seedling safe from harm and the impending storms. Except instead of keeping the seed safe, they actually keep her alone. Like a flower cut off from the sun and water, she begins to wilt even before her day has begun.
She starts to feel as though things are delayed, and can’t clearly remember what bills she paid. She starts to feel numb and a little afraid. The things that should feel familiar suddenly feel as though they are brand new. Her confusion starts to muddle her brain and emotions are starting to boil, like an over done stew. She looks around and realizes that is all a dream. There is no reason to fear as no real harm comes here.
She is on the inside looking out as if from a jar. From her window, up the stairwell in the tallest tower in the keep she watches. There she sits behind the maze of women pretending to be her, all of them claiming with equal sincerity the she is me. Hearing only what she wants to, the “Queen of our Heart” tells us what we may know. She is in control of the charade; she tells me what I need to have and where I need to go.
It does seem as though; all things possible in the physical home are possible as well in the spiritual home for the unsafe soul of a child confused and scared. In the house of the fragmented mind there are many people who can share thoughts and comfort one another. There are many people who fight and cannot tell the difference between wrong and right. They can share thoughts and will, they can feel certain things and have different feelings on the same topic.
They can be male or female, they can be sweet or sour, these Actors can be just like the real you or just the opposite, they can mimic your mother or make you feel like you are your Dad, and you may even look like your bother. They can be smart or handicap, taller or shorter, they can even have opposing wants at the same time. They can take control of the physical self and project their will onto the spiritual self. It can leave you feeling helpless and ashamed, or worse leave you with no feelings or no memories at all. No sense of self goes un-maimed and your heart is always pained.
Each person resides in their individual room; each has their own space in time, with their own memories painted on the walls of their room. Each person in a Room, in the Mansion that is formed of thought and thought alone has a function. They all have their own personal belief system and memories in which to process the events that are laid before her eyes. Each person in the room has lived their own life and has their own needs; each has their own heart aches as well.
All the persons in the Rooms share the same Memory Storage Unit Space “The Foundations” and have equal useable Capacity. They share a common foundation, and each time the Mansion is fragmented it is divided and split evenly again.
Each Room has their own prompt command to bring them front and center. Each room is aware of its own existence and occasionally knows or suspects the presence of others. Each room can exists side by side or as a separate entity depends on if a door for communications was built. The room can be unaware that it’s only a small room inside a mansion of large rooms or completely aware of the whole mansion.
One experience can be split over many rooms, or confined to only one room. Like a play set that is placed on a center axis, it spins as the curtains open and close, with a new set before you in a blink of the eye. The actors look the same but they are wearing different clothes, standing in opposite positions, saying contradicting statements.
As the play goes on the actors switch sets, leaving their memories in the rooms in which they originate. They don’t look back or remember the last set; they just carry on as if they only ever existed in this room and never intend to leave it ever. When they do leave it, they are unaware that their props have changed, unaware of the contradictions they said in the previous scene. When they are asked to recall they don’t, they run back to the room they were in. Unaware of the switch of sets or clothes, they jump back into the last room and start that set again.
It’s a large scale play, with shape shifting actors that play the roles of me in my life. It is most defiantly, a charade, it is a set that is switched by the audience and the environmental safety of the set. We can communicate within our mind and share our imagination or not. Together we create the illusion of a whole, and only a few can tell who is who, as we are most convincing. We are indeed at the mercy of their thoughts and desires. No doubt if left alone to ponder, we will crumble under the weight of impossible contradictions of my soul.
Now if you can imagine the Foundation, the Ground of My Being, or The Memory of My Essence, of my Mansion of Rooms is spilt into as many pieces as the My Mansion. Each piece of the foundation is holding a valuable piece of weight to support the structure of the Mansion of Rooms within me. None of the pieces of foundation are aware of the rest of the pieces of the foundation. Each piece can feel the full weight of the mansion but cannot see it. None of the rooms are aware of the divisions in the foundation as well as the divisions in the house. Each piece of the foundation still feels the weight of the entire structure regardless.
When the earth shifts in the Large World and a break occurs. The pieces of the foundation become jumbled like a kaleidoscope it changes before your very eyes. “The Foundation” that seemed so solid becomes fluid, all pieces move with the slightest nudge. Past Present, Future, heartaches, life struggles, fears, memories, dreams, and real life becomes one in a half of second. All this happening on what feels like Big T.V right behind the eyes in the mind.
The visual processing center is flood with action signals and ole factory responses are vivid and feel so real. The mind tries to make sense of the onslaught of information, the brain tries to process the levels of feelings as the neurotransmitters connect with activity, flooding your body with feeling, it’s tries to give it a name, define its origin, fact or fiction with object identification, reasoning and memory. With only that small unconnected memory system the foundation will vibrate searching for answer. With-out an answer or an out let it will re send the same signal to the foundation over loading and eventually shutting down to maintain stability.
This is where it cripples the mansion decision making ability, as it fails to send the next bit of information to the next room. Like a broken thermostat system in the central air at home will over heat the whole house one room at a time, this same thing happens in the Mansion of Rooms in my mind as it tries to create a unified memory or self-idea. They all send signals for cold air, and after just a while they are all only receive a tiny bit of warm air. The decision making center is now out of commission as it did not have enough information to decide it will just kick on neutral.
Then I was alone in the meadow again, just 6 years old, confused, alone and scared I started to cry loudly...Read the next page here http://www.kaytjewels.com/2013/02/the-girl-in-meadow_27.html#more